


Fate Fell Short This Time

by ununoriginal



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-22
Updated: 2004-11-22
Packaged: 2017-12-14 16:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununoriginal/pseuds/ununoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would be happier living as a fool anyway. Slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fate Fell Short This Time

I stare uncomprehending at Jiraiya's back as the old man spouts unfamiliar words.  He is uncharacteristically serious, quite unlike the lecherous bastard that I know.  
   
Gradually, the words sink in.  He's telling me to let go, to give him up.  He's trying to convince me that it's a lost cause.  Jiraiya believes that he is Orochimaru the second, and that if we persist in the path that we're treading, there will be nothing left but bitterness and heartbreak.  
   
Jiraiya's wrong, though.  He's no snake.  He's not Orochimaru, or Itachi.    
   
He's just Uchiha Sasuke, no more, no less.  
   
My friend, brother-companion, beloved.  
   
***  
   
There is, of course, a dark side to Sasuke.  None of us who know him can deny that - it might have been rooted in the annihilation of his clan and the hatred of his brother, or perhaps one can never completely believe in purity and goodness when one is born with the gift of seeing through everything.  
   
Maybe that is why we got close.  He and I connect on a level that is different from our relationship with Sakura.  We've both seen things, faced life in black and red.  We pushed each other away at first, because it was not easy to face that darkness, be it in oneself or mirrored in another.  
   
But there is more to him than that.  There is still a spark left in him, a flame that has kept him true to the shinobi's path all these years past.  I know it, I've _felt_ it, the day he kissed me and pushed the shadows shrouding my heart aside.  The fire in him cleansed me, sweeping away much of the pain and resentment within.  I saw it roaring bright, engulfing him where he had stood in front of me, Haku's arrows piercing him -- reaching out to ignite the Kyuubi's fiery chakra.    
   
I managed to summon the GamaBunta that first time because I had no other recourse than to do it. The sand monster already had him pinned down, and I had to stop it, before it could extinguish his light.  I was able to say all those words to Gaara because he was there, his presence giving me the courage to force those words from the depths of my soul.  I wasn't alone, he was there with me -- and one day, Gaara would be able to find someone like that.    
   
Our bickering and bantering continued - we are by nature competitive creatures, and I sensed that most of the time, he thought that I would never be as good as him.  It is only in times of danger, when all might be lost, when his true belief comes through and he acknowledges me as his equal.  It frustrated me, this patronising, and sometimes when he came through the window at night, I wanted to deny him, just as he did me, but then his lips would burn mine, and I would realise that it was merely the darkness obscuring his sight.  Even the Sharingan is not completely infallible.  
   
So I would work harder, push myself even more so that one day he could no longer help but plainly see me with all my abilities, and I would hear him admit it, that I am just as good as he is.  I would learn new skills from Jiraiya and I would show him.  We would both be powerful, the best.  In time, I would help him defeat his brother, and we would protect Konoha together.  
   
He made me stronger, brought out the best in me.  Pushed me further, faster, higher.  With him by my side, my Hokage dreams were more than mere proclamations.  They became statements of fact, a shining goal that would one day become reality.  
   
But I didn't realise that all the good that he was creating within me was doing just the exact opposite for him.  He had become more withdrawn after Gaara's defeat, but I had thought, like myself, it was due to grief over the third Hokage's death.  Then I had left with Jiraiya, not knowing it was due to Itachi and Akatsuki's plot to kidnap me, and he had come after us, got caught in his brother's illusion-trap.  
   
I don't know what horrors he had to relive when he was held there, but it darkened him even more.  I should have seen it -- the turmoil within him, but he didn't give me a chance.  The moment I returned, the moment I saw him in his hospital room, he had lashed out.  Before I could express my joy and relief at seeing him safe, it had impetuously morphed into anger and hurt.  His black rage dredged up the darkness in me, and we were both swept away mindlessly on the tidal crest of our fury.    
   
I regretted the Rasengan the moment it left my palm, and was never more thankful that Kakashi had intervened.  Afterwards, as he had dropped out of sight over the edge of the building, I had stared dumbly at the jagged hole in the water tank, thinking it could have been Sakura, or even worse - him.  
   
I didn't dare to face him after that.  He was my best friend, my lover, and I had tried to almost kill him.  I did not know how I would look him in the eye.  I stayed away.  
   
An act I will regret to my dying day.  
   
Shikamaru's voice telling me that he was gone will always haunt me in my nightmares.  I had left him alone, had not stayed with him like he had done for me, and he had been taken away.  I had to save him, bring him back, not only for Sakura's sake or anyone else's, but most of all, for his and mine.  
   
The truth had been harsher than that, and he had turned out to be farther away from me than he had ever been.  He's lost in the abyss of his past -- Orochimaru's seal and the memories of his brother have drawn all the foulness within him bubbling to the surface.  He meant it when he said he wanted to kill me, he actually believed all that crap that his brother had told him.  
   
And every single blow thrown at him, with all the force of the Kyuubi's chakra and mine combined, was to no avail.  My pleas, my rage, my pain and desperation were not sufficient to move him.  I was not good enough, not strong enough to overcome the evil that was tormenting him.   He was mocking me that final round, when he acknowledged that I was 'strong'.    
   
I'm not his equal yet.  If I was, then I would have been able to drag him back from the cliff edge he was standing on.  I would have been able to touch him, and re-ignite that now-dying ember of trueness in him, like he had done for me. 

I would have been able to bring him back.  
   
***  
So now he's gone, and I'm in this hospital bed, with Jiraiya preaching to me, telling me to forget about him, not to go after him, that it would be wiser.  That it is what a shinobi should do.  He doesn't want me to suffer the same pain he did when Orochimaru betrayed Konoha long ago.  He's pronouncing him beyond redemption.  
   
But I cannot just let him go.  I refuse to believe that he is a lost cause.  If that makes me a fool, so be it.  
   
My recollection of that final duel with him is patchy, there were large swathes of time towards the end when the Kyuubi had taken over me and left my mind a blank.  I can only vaguely remember the last blistering eruption that blasted all the water from the waterfall, the thud of my body landing on the riverbank, the clatter of his headguard falling to the ground.  
   
Kakashi says that it had been raining heavily when he found me, the displaced liquid returning to earth, soaking all of us.  I don't have any memory of being brought back to the village through that drenching cold, or anything after that either.  
   
All I knew, until I finally woke again to the white ceiling of the hospital, was his burning forehead against mine, the splatter of his blood warm across my cheek, the softness of his lips brushing lightly across mine in one last kiss.  His whispered 'Naruto', the barest breath at my ear, so seemingly final, saying all the things he and I had never voiced.  
   
I felt the spark then, flickering but _there_ , as he was pulling away, but I couldn't move, couldn't reach out to him.  All I could do was cling to the memory of his touch and his voice, as he left me.    
   
Jiraiya thinks I'm a big fool for persisting in my belief, but I know better.  He could have killed me, he was supposed to kill me, but in the end, he didn't.  He couldn't do it, couldn't break that final bond.  
   
I wasn't strong enough this time -- I had been relying on the Kyuubi to fight for me, letting the demon's darkness course freely through my veins.  That wasn't right, I realise now, I couldn't have defeated him that way.    
   
I have to learn how to control the Kyuubi, turn this curse into a gift.  I have to overcome this demon within me and harness its power, so I can in turn use it to help him vanquish his.  I shall prove to him that our bond is something greater than power and strength.  
   
I'm going to show him, Jiraiya, and the whole world that he doesn't have to be like anybody else other than who he is.    
   
That is _my_ way of the shinobi.  
   
 _Just you wait, Sasuke._  
   
In three years' time, I'll track him down.  And when I find him, I'll tell him what we both couldn't say the last time.  
   
I shall tell him that I love him, and that nothing he does could ever sever the connection between us.  
   
Then I'm gonna kick his ass and drag his sorry hide back.


End file.
